just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
