How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
