Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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