went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
