She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize