There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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