Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
