I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm like, not good at living.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
