Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
