I love black thongs
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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