i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
