apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
