Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize