The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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