i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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