All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
