I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
