I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
