Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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