When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
