escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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