Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
