so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
they're like a gay fantastic four
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
