I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
