Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
