just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
