um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize