I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
