I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize