i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
