haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
