I want to have your abortion
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
