New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
