and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
