Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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