I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
