I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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