Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
