I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
