i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
