i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
