Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
