You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think my moral compass just broke
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