Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
