Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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