Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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