i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
