I think im going to throw up on grandma
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
