It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
