I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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