New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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