drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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