Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
