Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
