he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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