Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
