just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
