I met the friendliest cop last night
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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