____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
