I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
