this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
