My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
