He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize