So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
