So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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