Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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