He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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